delusions of grandeur.

so, i thought i would slack off today and post a note that I had already written regarding "25 utterly fascinating things about me." this note was in response to a facebook phenomenon. i had to limit the 25 things to remotely insightful and amusing anecdotes that i would tell just about anyone - not just my therapist.

i realize that, like a blog, the idea that someone would read through 25 anecdotes about yours truly is rather self-indulgent, and, rest assured, i have no delusions of grandeur. if you haven't noticed, i hate capitalizing the pronoun "i", and the idea of beginning 25 sentences with that pronoun gives me chills. "i, me, mine."

so, here goes!

25 utterly fascinating things about me

1) i like the way old books smell. when i was doing research papers, i would get secretly excited if i had to check out a book published before, say, 1980…not necessarily because of the smell, but, rather, because it was like holding a part of history.

2) when i go shopping, i have to touch everything in the store. several people have observed this habit. the items at tj maxx, thrift stores, and macy's suffer most from my compulsion. I am drawn to bright sparkly things, textural things, and things that remind me of those i already own.

my nickname is “magpie” because magpie birds are known for stealing sparkly bits and baubles for their nests. confession: i also have a weird habit of hiding items in stores. the compulsion to hide things seizes me in just about every shopping situation(except the grocery store). even if i have no plans to purchase the item at a later time, i will stash it away in another section of the store. every time you find a random purse in the cooking section, think of me.

3) from 1995 to say, 1998, i went through “my beatles obsession” phase. thank you to all of my patient friends for their support and minimal amount of teasing (considering)...this was a pretty extreme obsession, compounded by the release of the beatles anthology. My friends annie, katie, and grace were complicit in this phase of my life - each of us had our favorite beatle – and I was actually the big ringo fan – saw him in concert in atlanta for my 16th birthday!! my parents let me decorate our attic room in full psychedelic regalia – neon green carpet, beatles and dylan posters, fiber optic and black lights, a giant black leather sectional, and each wall painted a different color corresponding to the sgt pepper cover. my parents took me on two trips to england to indulge the obsession, resulting in an acute case of anglophilia and my eventual marriage to an englishman.

i could tell i was over this phase when i lived next door to the beatles store in london for a summer and only visited once.

4) i am an only child. when i was little, i used to beg for an older brother, not realizing that the sheer logistics of my mom giving birth to an older sibling would be quite impossible. around the age of 4, however, i realized that i had a good thing going on, so i stopped asking for a sibling and began to get really upset whenever the topic would arise. now that i am in my late twenties, i kinda wish i had a brother or sister for support and friendship, and i am jealous of those that have them.

5) i have webbed toes on both feet. my mom had the option of having them surgically separated when i was born, but she thought they were cute. i have never known any different, so it is not a big shocker every time i happen to glance down at my feet. when i was a kid, however, other kids used to make fun of me and call me “duck,” but that’s relatively innocuous in terms of nicknames that i have suffered…having webbed toes does not help me with swimming.

6) both my parents worked outside the home, so i grew up with a nanny, even though i never thought of her like that. her name is ada, and she still looks exactly the same at age 84 as i remember her from when i was 3 years old (my earliest memory). ada was at our house from the day i came home from the hospital until the day i graduated high school. she came to my wedding. she was one of the most joyful, loving, and strongest women i have ever known. her fried pork chops were out of this world, as were her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. we used to take walks every day when i was little and pick “flowers,” which were really just dandelions and other weeds. we did arts and crafts in the afternoons. she had 10 kids of her own, and she included me in that number. she was like a second mom to me.

7) i love being surrounded by fresh produce, but that doesn’t mean i eat enough fruits and vegetables. i think i just like the pretty colors and textures…i used to eat mushrooms from the produce aisle when i was little because i thought they were free samples.

8) i am somewhat of a hypochondriac, which has worsened since i got my degree in public health and have gotten violently ill on several international trips. sitting in my “tropical infectious diseases” course, i convinced myself that i had at some point contracted at least three of the intestinal helminthes…i have also been a long-time migraine sufferer, and the fear of having a brain tumor emerges with each headache.

9) my most embarrassing moment involving fecal matter happened in 6th grade when a lady from the ruffner mountain nature center came to visit and brought several snakes for us to pass around. “notice how snakes are not slimy,” i remember her saying. of course, as the snake gets passed to me, its sphincter relaxes and it poops/pees all over my new *white* jeans, unleashing the foulest smelling excrement ever pooped out of a woodland creature. this probably wouldn’t be that embarrassing now, because, let’s face it, the animal poop + human situation is pretty comical, but in 6th grade, smelling like snake poop is mortifying, and i took it as a personal affront.

10) i don’t like roller coasters or free-fall rides at amusement parks because i worry that i will pee my pants. i prefer nerdalicious epcot to disneyworld. i am usually the stuffed animal holder.

11) tattoos are fascinating. i have often thought about getting one, but i have commitment issues. i love the idea of a pin-up belly dancer, but that would require a rather large tattoo, and i don’t know if i want to devote that much of my skin to something that might shrivel up with childbirth or old age.

12) i spent 6 summers at an immersion “french camp” in the north woods of minnesota. think ‘outward bound’ with a french twist. this is a very nerdy admission, i realize. the camp was concordia language villages, which we found out about from a newspaper article about chelsea clinton, who had gone to concordia’s german camp. since i was really into languages and loved being outdoors and all things summer camp, this seemed like a perfect fit. i learned a ton of great french vocab, hung out with some of the coolest, most diverse people i’ve ever met, and gained a lot of self-esteem. camp also sparked my interest in french-speaking africa, as some of the counselors were from cameroon and niger. it was a great experience. my only regret is that I never got to live the dream and be a camp counselor.

13) i used to be painfully shy when i was growing up, and i still come out as an* infp* ("the idealist") on the myers-briggs. i also had a penchant for hiding from relatives. one time, i hid from my grandparents in one of the circular clothing racks in wal-mart. they thought i had been kidnapped, so they got the manager to put the store on lock-down. i popped out with a “ta-da!” about 30 minutes later.

14) My parents used to tell me they were aliens. When they would start to “remove their faces,” I would begin to cry. Instead of comforting me, they would say, “okay, you’re not ready to know the truth. We’ll wait till you’re older.”

15) i love watching period films. time period, not menstrual period…i adore the costumes, accents (when applicable), elaborate sets and props, and the idea that the events of the story really happened, even in fictional films. they are pure escapist bliss.

16) I have always been jealous of people who classify themselves as “runners.” I have never been able to get into it, despite my ill-fated attempt at cross country in 7th grade. I will admit that I don’t really know how to run, and that I imagine that I look rather ridiculous while doing so.

17) i love to sing and make up songs, sometimes creating my own melody, sometimes borrowing from others. i didn’t say i was very good at it, but i entertain myself and my two indulgent dogs. i always sound better in the shower, bath, or pool. i have a fantasy of rocking the karaoke bar with my red-hot rendition of bowie’s “rebel, rebel,” complete with badass glam-rock outfit, but i worry that i would be too shy to attempt such a feat. that’s where alcohol comes in.

18) i feel warm and fuzzy in flower shops, thrift stores, bakeries, grocery stores, and record shops (vintage, not best buy).

19) i buy myself flowers often because it cheers me up and makes me feel like a divalicious, independent, powerful woman.

20) i love watching dog shows – but mainly the terrier group. i pride myself in knowing a lot about different types of dogs and being able to name the breed, country of origin, and original purpose, i.e. killing rodents, retrieving water fowl, etc. when i was little, we used to show our schnauzer, wolf, so “best in show” really hits home…dog people are so wonderfully eccentric.

21) i used to collect dinosaur models from the british museum. there was a store in town called the “dinostore,” and my dad and i would go there every week to see if there were any new dinos to add to my collection. i had most of the dinos pictured here:

22) i love languages. i aspire to be able to communicate with everyone on the planet in their native tongues…at least to be able to say, “hello,” “thank you,” “i love your country,” and certain choice swearwords.

23)i met my husband in a bootylicious bar in dakar, senegal. i promptly threw up on his floor after our second meeting, and he didn’t care.

24) i love planning parties with themes. oh, to have unlimited funds!!

25) i always try to make friends with strangers. this is a relatively recent phenomenon, as I am an introvert at heart. lately, i have found myself talking to cabbies, fellow grocery shoppers, gas station attendants, fellow airplane passengers, fellow obama-philes, as if we share a certain camaraderie/life history through our mutual love for honeycrisp apples, regular unleaded, etc. overall, this has been a rewarding experience, and i will probably continue my small-town banter as long as people continue to respond positively.