of groundhogs, hedgehogs, and boss hogs.

the fact that there is a useless national 'holiday' devoted to the behavior of groundhogs, also known as woodchucks, land beavers (hehe) or whistlepigs (wtf?), makes me proud to be an american, or, more appropriately, a wasp-american. think about it...would any other ethnic group besides white people dream up such a crazy reason to get up early and play with a rodent? and, furthermore, look at the 'official' groundhog celebrants, who are predominantly male, might i just add- since when did curly handlebar mustaches come back en vogue? where do these people come from, anyway? like the groundhogs, they emerge from their holes once a year for their 15 seconds of fame and groundhog glory. has the groundhog ever not been afraid of his shadow? i see this as a misogynist, mustachist, right-wing conspiracy meant to perpetuate the state of fear in america...

hedgehogs, on the other hand, are glorious little nubbins of truth. if i didn't have two dogs with rodenticidic tendencies, i would have a pet hedgie in a heartbeat. upon further research, i discovered that there is an underground hedgie community in the us, canada, and uk. did you know that hedgehogs are bred for temperament? how could something that small and deliciously cute have an attitude? i would hate to get on the wrong side of a cranky hedgie...

speaking of cranky, imagine my shock yesterday when i noticed that one of our fellow street people (i.e. neighbors) decided to proudly display the stars and bars in their front room window!! what the eff?? i am not a big fan of flags taped to windows, in any case, but the rebel flag? this isn't even trussville! (haha - that was an "in" joke). so, my current dilemma is, besides writing a letter to let them know that this is, in fact, 2009, year of the ox, should i

(a) leave a flaming bag of poop on their doorstep, or

(b) hurl insults at them while driving by with the window rolled down.

for option (a) i would need to either poop in a bag or find someone to poop in a bag (quite unpleasant either way), light it on fire, and possibly get caught, tried and convicted for vandalism, and get lesbian raped in jail. now that i think about it, option (b) is probably more my speed. i will write the letter tonight and post in due time.

happy g-hog, day!